he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
