i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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