if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
