Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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