So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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