for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
