Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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