im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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