you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
