you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
