We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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