omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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