But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
