giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
