I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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