I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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