loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
