I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
