why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
