the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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