I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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