really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
