So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
