just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
