I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
