Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
