Whoa Z and x make the same sound
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
