So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
