Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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