Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
