Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
