hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
