Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
