i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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