im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
one two three fourrrrnication!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
