Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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