I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
