honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
