Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
