I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
