Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
don't judge my taste in strippers
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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