Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
