Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
