I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
