Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
