Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
