Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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