After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
