Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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