My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
