Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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