sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
