He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
