I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
